When You're Tired

I wonder what i'll type. I haven't slept in a solid 48 hours, and I feel... Oddly mellow I suppose. I figure I should have to sleep tonight, my body needs it. I wonder how our brains would process information differently if we didn't sleep. Without dreams, hold can the subconscious guide the conscious? Would we become hyper aware, or maybe contemplate through meditation.
I think I figured out a piece of the answer to my question earlier.
I know it's a cycle. I know that by giving myself background noise, I'm making it easier to shut out more thoughts and so forth and so on, i get that. I know it's more than just an over-saturation of flash and gimmick that gets shoved into your ear every hour. I'm at a place where I understand that I'm choosing to live in the moment. I mean, I have been. I loathe setting long term goals nowadays. It's something about the fragility of saying you will or won't do something.
My mind is the type that is always pushing the boundaries of what should or shouldn't be. Once you say something will be, it's almost a challenge to make it not so. Contrary-wise (I don't know if that came from Lewis Carol, Alice in Wonderland, or just the Tweedles specifically, but I enjoyed using it), to tell me that something will not come to pass, is to show me goal, and to ask me not to try.
but what do I know? The world can lose its sheen when you're tired.

Songs and Such

So, I decided not to play music.

Not for a long time or anything, just for an indefinite amount of time. It's not even like I'm giving it up, I just decided to not automatically have some background noise to fill my space. But once I made the decision in my head, my brain begins playing what I guess I'd call the soundtrack of my life. Songs that dredge up old memories, songs that have annoyed me since i was a teenager (oh... don't know why that felt so weird, but it did), songs that make me think of love, sadness, hope, and a range of other emotions that I'm not gonna list.
The point is, why do I need background noise? Why is it that if I'm not playing music from something, I'm reciting it in my head?

I have thoughts.

I make witty banter for everyday life. 

I dream. 

I have millions of pointless and random ideas that fire through my brain, but it can't get priority over music? and not just any music. No, not even music I like. There are nights I lay awake in bed, unable to sleep, because the chorus of Justin Bieber's newest radio hit plays over and over and over and over. And how could it not? It's like the same 10 words. It's vague enough that it can mean whatever you want it to. It's.... Catchy.
I'm tired of catchy. I'm tired of gimmicks. I'm not the type that hates on art, but cmon. What is art? Where do we collectively draw the line on what isn't art? But I think art should make you feel something. It shouldn't be packaged and sold off and modified based on how many units it sells. Art is a lot of things to a lot of people, and... I don't know....

That's why it's art. 

I think?

I feel... and think a lot of things. 

I don't talk about them much because I rationalize "Who cares? We all think and feel. If it's important, then you'll know."

But that whole statement could be wrong. What if the act of me saying a thing at the time of me feeling it is what gives it importance? What if there's someone else in the world that understands the things I think and is waiting on someone else to speak up? Maybe I am unique and truly have a different way of thinking then most.

This was nice. I think I'll do this more often.

Updated Life

So, I haven't posted anything for a while.
What's new... hmm...
Well, I'm trying to go to Japan in the Spring. That's kind of exciting, and I really hope I get to go. My GPA is currently just under the minimum, so we'll see, I guess.
What else, I'm on the Multimedia staff for a student run newspaper. This works perfectly for me, because, and I'm not going to lie here, I'm a pretty bad writer. I practice, but yeah, I'm not the one.
What else... I'm single now. I don't really know how I feel about that. I enjoyed spending time with my girlfriend, and now I have all these memories and residual feelings combined with the knowledge that I haven't really changed. Even if she wanted me back, I don't know if I could, because I really want her to be happy, and if I don't think that I'm yet at the point where I could be what she wanted, and wouldn't it be selfish and irrational to force it? Then I think about what it could be and I don't want to be rational.
But I will. Because it's important to be good to my future self. And who knows, maybe our future selves will click again. Maybe I'll find someone else who makes me feel complete. Maybe

Blue lit silent sentries on the Forty Acres, the police call boxes on campus act as both deterrents of crime and aids for students.

Labeled “POLICE HELP” on the sides, the bright yellow call boxes should be utilized for fire, medical, or similar emergencies, Crime Prevention Unit Officer William Pieper said, but can also be used for smaller emergencies, like keys locked in cars or requesting an escort at night.
Police call boxes at the University of Texas campus have been activated just under an average of five times a week since January, though many were either pranks or non-criminal activations. With an ever expanding campus, the Crime Prevention Unit works with construction companies to access the need for new boxes.
Whenever a new building is proposed on the main campus, UTPD reviews and cooperates with contractors to have at least one call box installed. Installation is less costly if placed in the building’s design rather than after the building is built. The University of Texas pays for the device and fitting, Officer Brewster said.
“I have yet to have a construction program say, ’we’re not going to pay for that’,” Officer Pieper said. “On a new building, we always get a call box installed.”
When pressed, a call box’s blue light will flash as it connects to the police station, who will then ask what services are needed. UTPD runs maintenance once a week to ensure there are no defective devices.  Since the call boxes are in the wind and rain, officers check each box for speaker and microphone clarity. Any call boxes found to be malfunctioning are fixed within 24 to 48 hours, Officer Layne Brewster said.
“Each and every week, someone, an officer normally, will go and physically press the button to test it,” Brewster said.
The over 150 campus call boxes collectively have been activated 198 times since the beginning of this year. While many of the calls are pranks, call boxes have been effectively used in arrests, identifying perpetrators, and protecting victims, Officer Pieper said. The threat of the flashing blue light acts as a deterrent for would-be criminals, even when the boxes are not used.
 While call box use is encouraged when help is needed, pushing a call button when there is no emergency is a Class B misdemeanor, according to the university’s website. Many students on campus see the boxes as a preventative measure rather than a reactive one. Widespread access to smartphones makes Victor Brito, a senior, wonder about the effectiveness of the devices.
“I don’t have any friends who have used one of those things,” Brito said. “Unless my cell phone’s dead, why would I run to a box when I could call 911?”
While quite visible, Heather Burkhalter, 18, said that besides a brief reference at orientation, she didn’t know much at all about the call boxes. The freshman added that for a college campus, however, safety is a necessity.
“I think they’re amazing to have for a college campus,” Burkhalter said. “Safety is a huge priority for students.”