Depression's a Female Dog

I hate this... I'm fine for a while, I went through most of today pretty ok, but then it just all comes crashing down again... I'm alone. I had someone who was crazy in love with me, and now I'm alone. I don't really know what to do... Lately, thinking about Frankie pisses me off. I want to scream at her, and tell her that she can't do this to me, that she can't make me happy and care about things, and then die and leave me alone and broken. Then I realize it doesn't matter, because she's gone, and she isn't coming back... I cry now. I don't cry when most others do, and it's not because i'm trying to be strong. As a matter of fact, it scares me that I can't cry with other people crying. It's like, when everyone starts crying about Frankie, my heart turns to ice. I just want them to shut up so I can move on with my life. Two nights ago, my roommate and his friend came in at 5 in the morning, drunk, and proceeded to be loud and obnoxious. Then, then it's finally settling down, I hear one of them crying and saying that it's not fair that she's gone. All I could think was that he needed to shut up so I could sleep. I felt no sympathy. Now I'm all alone in my room. I had got done watching a funny tv show 30 or so minutes ago, and felt pretty good. I checked facebook, and one picture.... that's all it took for me to break down and start crying again. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to live, or keep living. I feel empty, like I'm just going through motions. I can't do this. Frankie wouldn't want me to do this. She always simply wanted me to be happy, and I'm trying to do what she'd want. I'm trying to move past my pain, but it's not working...

"No matter where I go, No matter what choices I make, I will always love you"

A promise I made in 2010...